Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
