Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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