Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
