I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
