even my farts smell like vagina
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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