he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
