What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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