no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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