My liver just broke up with me...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
