Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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