And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you never un-have a 4some
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