i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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