She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
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me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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