I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Terrible idea I love it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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