K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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