He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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