the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
