I will die if light touches me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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