Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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