Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
