I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
