And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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