didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
