So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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