we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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