She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
