i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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