So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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