The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
