Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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