K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
