Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
