you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
