i would punch a child for taco bell
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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