The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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