walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
