I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
