so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
