It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
only you would photoshop your dick
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
