how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
