Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
