All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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