I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
