Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
how does that bad decision feel?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
