VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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