I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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