I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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