You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
