"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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