Rock
Scissors
Fuck
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
