I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
