I skipped work to stalk him.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
