My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
