do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
