On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
