did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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