oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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