You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
