Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
