you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
